14 Days = 2 Years

In two weeks, it will be the two year anniversary of my dear Donnie's death. I've been counting down the days to this anniversary, something I haven't done in a long time.

Each day that goes by, I feel further and further away from him. I haven't dreamt of him in ages.

There are still moments that overwhelm me. I walked into the bedroom yesterday and spotted his stuffed Tiger I bought him after his beloved cat, Bubba, died.

Tiger's been right there on that shelf where he's always been-I guess it's one of those deals where you're so familiar with the contents of a room, the details become a blur.

I sat on Donnie's side of the bed, cradling Tiger and crying. I heard myself saying "I'm not leaving you behind, Donnie. I'm just putting you in the proper place in my life." I calmed down a bit after that. Later though, I woke in the night crying. Haven't done that in maybe a year or more.

I have had to correct myself a few times here recently when I've spoken about Donnie. Because the time frame is no longer 'last year', it's 'the year before last' or 'two years ago'. The mere change of the calendar to 2008 took 'last year' away from me.

I find myself wondering if these things are an indication of my heart catching up with my head or the other way around? Maybe it's a bit of both.

I see changes coming to my life. Changes that are the result of the big change that blasted the foundation of my life from under me on January 29th, 2006.