Dear

Ellen Degeneres:

You screwed up. Now shut up about it and stop being a famewhore.

Dear Lady Who Runs the Amimal Rescue from where Ellen Degeneres Adopted:

Please consider scheduling the surgery to remove the stick up your ass as soon as possible. I can assure you, you will feel much better afterwards. Also, shut up about this situation and stop being a famewhore.

Dear Britney Spears:

Oh Dear God, why am I bothering? A letter is written by a sender on the premise that the receiver can read. And in this case, I believe it's genetically impossible for the child to stop being a famewhore.