Phone Calls, I Get Phone Calls

South Carolina, in its infinite wisdom, chose this year to split up its Republican and Democratic Presidential Primaries into two days, respective Saturdays.

The Republicans rolled last week, and last Thursday and Friday I was treated to a never-ending series of phone calls. I came home last Thursday to a message (nay, spittle-laced screed) from Madelyn Murray-O'Hare's son, decrying the Godless atheists and all they had done to ruin our country. I think he wanted me to vote for Huckabee. Or go pray in a school.

Alas, don't despair. Mike called. Mitt called. And called. And called again. His wife even called Saturday morning. Word to the wise dude, girls are turned off by that whiff of desperation. And John McCain called. His call was the best.

With the Dems, it's been a different story. A polite, not pre-recorded young man from the Obama campaign called and left a message asking to call him back so he could talk about his candidate. John called as well, and left a nice message. He's a good fellow, appears as if his momma raised him right. I like him.

Hill and John themselves called last night, according to the Caller ID, but didn't leave messages.

The best one has been the call from the obviously deranged fellow in Texas, who is a well-known Clinton hater, continually barraging reporters with emails that claim Bill and Hillary have been behind everything from the Lindbergh baby to Jimmy Hoffa.

This one was a humdinger. It started off "Did you know Hillary launched into a profanity-laced fit on Inauguration Day 1993 when she discovered she would not be allowed to use Al Gore's office? Can Hillary be trusted?

It went on from there, listing a number of alleged crimes by Hillary, always followed by 'Can Hillary be trusted?'.

The best one? Hillary hired a well-known bad guy to stalk and harass Kathleen Willey, including having Willey's cat kidnapped, and it is believed, later killed. He went on to say, quote, "Hillary thinks cats are expendable. Can she be trusted?"

Not to make light of animal cruelty by any means, but I have to say, if any of this were true, I think Hillary thinking cats are expendable is the least of our worries.